Weaning or Nursing Strike?

“My baby ‘self weaned’ at 6 months, 9 months, a year old.'” In fact, my mom told me the story about how I self weaned at 6 months old. I just simply didn’t want the breast any more, apparently. However, I remember clearly the last time I had a pacifier, and it wasn’t pretty, so it wasn’t like I didn’t want to suck on SOMETHING. Many times, what looks like weaning may actually be a nursing strike. A nursing strike is a sudden refusal of the breast, brought on by teeth, illness, growth, or introduction of solids.

Let’s look at the difference.

1. Babies rarely wean before a year of age. After all, if solids are fun until age one, what exactly are they eating at such quantities that they don’t need breastmilk anymore at such a young age? Usually, this means too many solids have been introduced, a bottle preference has been established, or a nursing strike due to teeth or some other developmental milestone.

2. Weaning is slow and steady, and takes months to complete. Weaning of course, starts as soon as something other than the breast (or bottle if exclusively pumping) is introduced. This is recommended as starting the middle of the first year, around 6 months of age. Look for signs of readiness to make sure your baby is ready for solids. If your baby suddenly refuses the breast, you may have a nursing strike on your hands.

3. Look for reasons your baby is refusing the breast. Do they have a cold? Getting teeth? Have an ear ache? Eating too many solids? Learning something new? Some babies simply just get distracted by the world around them (usually around 4, 6, and 10 months old) and can’t be bothered by  snack stops.

4. Remember that as babies get a bit older, they get more efficient at the breast. So, just because they are nursing for short spurts every few hours, it doesn’t mean they aren’t getting enough. Keep an eye on output and weight, but don’t expect a 10 month old to continue taking 20 minutes at the breast!

When faced with a nursing strike, look to your goals. If your goals are to nurse for a year and beyond, keep going! Keep offering! Use medication or ice to help sore gums, see a doctor if you suspect an ear infection or cold. Go to a dark room to nurse so your baby can calm down and nurse peacefully. Cut down on solids a bit, and offer before each meal. Be patient, this strike could last for anywhere from a couple days, to a week or two. I encourage you to stick with it.

Likewise, if your goal is to wean at an early age, take advantage of this strike, keeping in mind to replace nursing sessions with a bottle or sippy cup of formula or expressed breastmilk, as your baby still needs the nutrients and calories from either formula or breastmilk until age one.

Weaning Whines

I live in a very breastfeeding friendly, nearly stringent, bubble. Having worked with La Leche League as a leader for the past five years, I have seen breastfeeding babies from ages newborn all the way to five years old. Nothing tickles me more (internally of course, because I am a lady!) than a first time pregnant mom who comes to a meeting and sees a gigantic toddler latched on and sprawled out on his mother’s lap.  The fear in her eyes say, “That baby has TEETH, and a pretty hefty vocabulary!” In fact, because of this bubble of breastfeeding, I saw a toddler nurse FAR before I ever witnessed a newborn doing the same.

I’ve seen women hell bent on nursing through pregnancy, tandem nursing, and nursing until the baby self weans, as if each goal will earn them a merit badge. I have seen the same women feel extremely guilty when they realize they can’t stand the feeling of nursing anymore during a rough pregnancy, or when they need sleep more than they need to respond immediately to every peep from both their first and second born kid with a breast and a smile. I have seen women worry that weaning their 2 year old will mean ostracizing from their friend group, that they will be pariahs for admitting that they are done with nursing before their baby. On the other hand, I have seen women force their baby to the breast, because they aren’t ready for their toddler to wean yet.

It is great to nurse babies until they are done, don’t get me wrong. However, there might be reasons that a mom wants to wean before the baby is absolutely done. This is okay. There might also come a time when the baby is done, and the mother isn’t. Breastfeeding is a relationship, one that involves two people. To ignore the feelings of one of the people in that relationship can be a major mistake.

I am here to say, it is okay to wean. It is okay if that happens before you wanted it to. It is okay to set goals, but it is also okay when those goals change. Over the next couple of weeks, I will explore this taboo topic, and how to wean in a way that is gentle, safe, and loving to both parties in the relationship.