Posted on

Howdy, Partners!

Over the past couple of days, it has come to my attention that one of the single most predictive elements of a successful breastfeeding relationship is not being addressed. So, let me address it. Hey there partners of breastfeeding moms out there! Hi there dads and other mamas! Did you know that your support of breastfeeding is imperative to your lactating life partner? I know there are some amazing men and women out there who support and guide and help and comfort and parent. These are not the partners that I am speaking to today. Today I am filled with a righteous anger towards those men and women who are not supportive of their partner breastfeeding their babies.

I have had two women contact me in the past two days regarding this phenomenon. These women are being teased, verbally abused, abandoned, and ridiculed for their decision to breastfeed past the first couple of months of life. By. Their. Partners. Not okay. The saddest part I find, is that the questions I am getting is not, “do you have recommendations for a good marriage counselor?” or “why do you think my husband is acting like such a child?” No, they are asking me this, “How to I wean, so my partner will stop making fun of me and help me parent?” and “Is this my fault? Have I ruined my child and my marriage by deciding to breastfeed? Let me just say that no, this is not your fault. Well, maybe you could have picked a better partner, but other than that, no, breastfeeding didn’t ruin your child or marriage.

Parents, regardless of how you feed your child, you deserve the following:

    • Support
    • Food
    • Exercise
    • Love
    • Safety
    • Occasionally sleeping in
    • Help

Partners, regardless of how you feed your child, good parenting/partnership consists of the following

  • Supporting your partner
  • Bonding with your child
  • Loving them both unconditionally
  • Supporting them both unconditionally
  • Occasionally passing up the opportunity to tell someone “I told you so”
  • Helping
  • Listening

In other words, stop being a jerk about how your kid is fed, love your kid and support the person you had them with. I don’t think this is rocket science, but sadly, many people have not yet gotten this message. Parenting is hard, don’t make it harder by acting like a spoiled brat.

daddybaby

 

 

Posted on

Isn’t This Supposed to be Natural??

latchWhen I excitedly tell someone that I passed the test to become a Certified Lactation Consultant after nearly 6 years of study and being in the field, I usually get this response: You need a certification for that? Isn’t breastfeeding supposed to be natural? Of course, I get variations on this sentiment too. “Um, isn’t it like, open mouth, insert boob?” or “I had no idea that was even a thing.” This used to really frustrate and insult me, but I sort of understand where they are coming from. Media (mostly commercials for things like diaper rash cream), art, and every breastfeeding propaganda flyer I have ever seen depicts breastfeeding as some sort of magical happening that is perfect every time. I can almost hear angels singing in the background of many of these ad campaigns. Their intention was pure, to make breastfeeding look desirable, you probably don’t want to depict an exhausted mother and a screaming baby surrounded by used burp rags.  Here is the catch, yes, breastfeeding is natural, but natural does not equal easy.

Let’s use a metaphor! Eating is natural, but cooking is a learned behavior. Many women have never seen another woman breastfeed. When formula took over as the prefered feeding method, in the 1940s and 50s, essentially an entire generation was skipped on learning how to breastfeed from their mothers, aunts, sisters and friends. With help from groups like La Leche League, and those same ad campaigns, the art of breastfeeding is coming back, but in general, the public knowledge base is still lacking. If you have never seen anyone cook, and all you have ever known from TV, family, and friends is take-out food, how would you know how to cook? That is where IBCLCs come in.

After having helped hundreds of breastfeeding pairs learn how to breastfeed, it is my belief that there is certainly a need for this kind of professional in every pediatrician office, OB/GYN practice and most certainly every hospital. I want to see every mother to take three hours away from pinning nursery designs and finding nerdy onesies on Pinterest and use that three hours to take a comprehensive breastfeeding class. I want those mothers who struggle at the beginning not to feel defeated and inept because they are having trouble getting the hang of it. I want partners to understand how important breastfeeding is to the physical and mental health of babies AND their mothers. I want them to value this bond as much as their lactating counter-point does. I want to educate and teach myself out of a job.

Now let’s get cooking!